Crossover Omake Theater
by Thrythlind
Summary: Wherein I run probably non-canon crossovers between my characters and those of other stories...or with each other...I'll take suggestions from reviews...and yes...my novel characters are fair game.
1. Lusca Meets the Ree DBxND

Tessa covered her and coughed briefly while people were looking elsewhere. Every time she visited Nifelheim since the end of the war, she was further reminded just why any place a Demon lived for an extended period of time was smoky with either sulfur or incense or both. She really did wonder if air pollution was a Demonic plot to make things more pleasant for them to live in.

"Is there anything else you need from me?" Tessa asked.

"We're pretty well set up here," Mara said with a smrik. "Shouldn't have to bother, what's the codename now? Elbereth? Galadriel? I tend to forget how the Queen of the Ainur appears on paper at Mithril."

Tessa sighed expressively.

It seemed like everything about her job and position was conspiring to make her look like she had some sort of God-Complex. Seriously, couldn't someone simply accept the immortality was a side effect and the immense psychic power was sort of a necessity given their enemies had been rogue Gods and Demons that had kicked out the legitimate rulers?

"I suppose that I shall return to Atlantis then and help with merging Silmaril into it," she said, not answering the question of what her codename was.

Being Director Satomi's go to Demoness and the Queen of Demons herself, Mara most likely already knew.

"There is one thing," Mara said, a bit embarrassed. "Sanya San, Musan Yon and Nimu Ichi are here and I think Lusca and Naiki are thinking about heading back to Atlantis and want a ride. Would have thought Naiki'd ask you herself given the psychic link thing."

"Can't all those people drive themselves?" Shepard asked, standing in as he was as a representative of Socrates Group.

"Yes, they can," Tessa said arching an eyebrow.

_Why do you need a ride to Atlantis?_ the Ainur asked her own mental roommate. _Demons can teleport too._

_I don't know,_ Naiki said with the mental equivalent to a shrug.

Tessa always wondered just how Naiki managed to shrug telepathically, but skipped past that.

_Lusca wants to try a coordinate shift,_ the Demoness of Torrent explained. _She asked me to come in case she "got scared". She was smiling really weird while she asked though._

Tessa sighed and shook her head.

_Fine_ the young mercenary leader turned Immortal said. _Be over here quickly._

She turned to the soldiers with her.

"We'll be leaving shortly," she said.

"Oh thank goodness," one soldier muttered in the back. "My eyes are burning from the inside out."

Mara, Tessa, Shepard and the remaining four soldiers turned to look at the speaker.

"Ummm, I said that out loud didn't I?" the soldier asked.

"Private Jenkins," Tessa said in a sharp tone. "I think it would be best that you say nothing more."

"Yes, Ma'am," the soldier said.

"He's not Mithril, is he?" Mara asked quietly.

"He's the marine that introduced Naiki to hentai comics," Tessa noted blankly. "He's on loan."

"He's an embarrassment to the US military," Shepard noted. "About right for a marine."

"I shall tell Mao you said that," Captain Testarossa noted. "I'm sure she'll be amused."

"Ahh, right," the Air Force major said. "I guess every group has its exceptions."

Tessa left unasked whether the exception was Melissa Mao or Private Jenkins.

"If you're not using him right now," Mara said turning to glance at the soldier in question. "I have some….errands."

"No," Tessa said calmly. "I think I'll handle this personally."

"Got it," Mara said, glancing over to see Naiki and Lusca heading over.

Naiki walked over by Tessa as Lusca trailed along behind her, smiling broadly, hands clasped together as she skipped down to the soldiers. Several of them looked down at her nervously.

"We're not going down to tentacle hell are we?" Jenkins asked.

"Hehe, you're funny," Lusca with a girlish giggle.

Tessa shook her head and glanced over to see the DachiKira heading her way and twitched. Such a terrible nickname. Who wanted to be reminded that they came out of a woman that wanted to eat their minds and souls in order to live forever.

"Just the three of you?" Tessa asked.

"We just came to visit those sisters choosing to become Demons," Nimu said.

"Ha!" Sanya said. "Some of them dared to think that perhaps they would in this fashion be able to surpass the greatness that is Sanya San! The Pillar of Strength of the San batch!"

"So, uh," Musan said. "You've practiced this a lot right? Taking so many people with you? We're not going to umm…get splinched or something?"

"The worst that could happen is we get a little off target and perhaps take a swim in the ocean around Atlantis," Tessa assured the youngest of the three girls. "Now, if everyone would please come together. I shall take us to Atlantis."

"Okay, don't think I've done this before," Naiki said as Tessa started to run through a high speed set of numbers.

"And just think!" Lusca said breathlessly. "In one moment for the briefest space of time we're going to be sucked together into a single point while Captain Testarossa splices us to another place in space. And in that time, I'll be truly one with Naiki! SQUUEEEEEEEE!"

"I don't want to be orange goo!" Jenkins shouted rushing forward through the others.

"No orange goo!" Musan shouted as well, pulling in on herself and reflexively blasting outwards with her innate power: a wave of disorientation.

Mara heard Tessa muddle through the last set of numbers in a hugely inaccurate fashion.

A circle of watery energy rotated outwards, swallowed the lot of them up and vanished.

"Ohhhh, crap," Mara said.

* * *

"Wahhhh!" Jenkins shouted running down the streets that they had just appeared in.

Everyone else meanwhile started regaining their bearings in the wake of Musan's panic attack.

"Someone please go collect Private Jenkins and tell me where we are," Tessa said shakily as she looked around.

"Musan!" Nimu shouted, trying to hold down her stomach. "You need to control yourself better!"

"I'm sorry," the girl, looking just about eleven years old, said. "Lusca was just being…Lusca and then he screamed about orange goo! Why'd he scream about orange goo?"

"It's a reference to a cartoon," Tessa said, shaking her head.

_Hey, Tessa, _Naiki said telepathically. _Try not to scare anybody, but I'm sort of getting the feeling that Nidhog is very, very, very far away._

The lavender haired teenager considered that for a moment and tried get her own bearings on Silmaril. Her connection to it and the power flowing through that connection was there, but it was…strained somehow, like a computer signal stretched over a long distance and through a number of different relays.

"You both realize that we can at least feel you two talking?" Nimu asked Naiki. "Even if we can't understand it."

"Are they talking about why we're not on Earth?" Major Shepard asked.

Sanya meanwhile poked at Lusca curiously who simply stood there looking enraptured.

"I fear that the Kraken is broken," Sanya said. "Certainly it appears that she was not as well prepared to face the strain of…."

"I was just _one_ with Naiki!" Lusca said reverently. "And everybody else. But SQUUUEEEEEE! It's like we slept together over the briefest possible space of time imaginable."

"Permission to find somewhere to shower," Major Shepard said with fairly uncomfortable looking face as he regarding the squeeing pettanko brunette.

**YOU ARE, ALL OF YOU, GARBAGE.**

**YOU HAVE DEBA….**

As the great rolling voice proceeded, a huge bizarre shape appeared over the hills in the distance.

"I thought this sort of thing would be finished once we dealt with you know, Zeus, the Furies, Poseidon, Balor…." Shepard noted. "How many insane immortals millions of years old do we have left to deal with."

"At least one," Naiki said, pointing toward Lusca.

The usually cheerful and faintly disturbing pettanko girl was seething as she stared out at the monster floating its way to them. All eight of her braids were floating up into the air.

"You know," Shepard said nervously to Tessa. "Even if she completely unlocks herself to category one. You're category one, I'm category one. Nimu and Naiki are category two, we…should…be able to restrain her."

"There is also I! Sanya San!" Sanya reminded them. "For am I not the Pillar of Strength! The Arrow Which Cuts Through the Valley? OHHHHOHOHOHOHOHOO."

"Between the fourteen year old lunatic and the six million year old one," one soldier noted. "We're not going to make much of an impression here."

"I'm advising everyone to stand back," Tessa said. "We'll know how bad it is when we hear how 'not funny' she finds this."

* * *

"Okay, Blue Pattern confirmed," Yui said as the cherubim gave its ranting self-introduction. "We're deploying…"

**THERE IS ENTIRELY**

**NOTHING!**

**EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT**

**FUNNY ABOUT YOU AT ALL**

**IN THE FURTHEST REACHES**

**OF IMAGINATION!**

**YOU ARE NOT FUNNY!**

Some far below, unheard by the sensors at NERV was a very quiet "Oh, hell."

"Okay," Pieter said. "What was that?"

Before they could even consider an answer, a pair of massive tentacles lashed up out of nowhere, wrapping around the bulk of the angel and tossing it out into the bay before another bizarre form lurched out of the city looking like some sort bizarre interbreeding between a two hundred foot tall velociraptor and a giant squid.

It was growing red and glowing as it leaped out into the bay after the angel, landing down atop of it and glowing so brightly red that it was starting look white as the new monster ripped and tore at the angel with talons, fangs and flailing tentacles that were squeezing against its AT fields. And from what they could tell, more tentacles were growing out of the water

"Is that another angel?" Yui asked.

"MAGI says no," Risato said. "We're not sure what it is, there's no data to analyze it with."

"Unit 01, 02 and 05 are on their way," Misato said. "While the two of these things are busy, we'll…"

And then the giant tentacle monster vanished, most of the tentacles bursting into water and falling back to the ocean as the confused and damaged angel tried to recover itself.

It didn't have that much time before the Evas arrived and made short work of it.

"Did anybody see where that thing went?" Yui asked.

"No, but we do have eyes on something else odd," Dr. Sohryu said, pulling something up on the screen.

There a group of eleven people stood around a brown haired girl who looked more than a little annoyed.

"Get them in here," Gendo said quickly

"I already have security on it," Pieter said.

* * *

"Are you calmed down now, Lusca?" Naiki asked, patting the girl on the shoulders. "See look, giant ASes, so no need to go all Kraken-zilla okay."

Lusca took several heavy breaths and then suddenly smiled as if she'd forgotten any trace of the anger she'd had just a little bit ago.

"SQUEEEE! You used a favor to save me from the weird giant monster thingy!" Lusca cried out.

She was clasping her hands together and smiling up at Naiki enthusiastically as if barely restraining herself from doing anything else. Well anything aside from hop up and down on her feet hopefully as she stared at Naiki.

"Uh…well..I think I…" Naiki started to say. "Fine, you can hug m—Gah!"

As soon as permission was granted the little brownhaired leaped up into a tackle-hug glomp bearing the younger Demoness to the ground.

"Is she still a monster?" Musan asked quietly.

"All right!" several voices called out. "Stay right where you area!"

All around them, men in black suits stood aiming guns in their general direction as Shepard and the other soldiers, Jenkins included, brought their weapons up as well.

"Stand down," Tessa said. "Let's be polite."

* * *

Pieter walked into the interrogation room and paused in confusion at the person he saw there. It was a short, lavender haired girl with green facial markings quietly sipping a cup of tea. She was dressed in a brown sort of military uniform, but other than that she looked more like a secretary.

"Excuse me," he said. "We asked to speak to your commanding officer."

The girl hug her head and then glanced heavenward as if for patience.

"Yes, you did," the girl said with infinite patience, looking up at him.

"Then maybe you could go get him," Pieter said. "I am sorry for the mix-up, but we should deal with this face to face. I think we were supposed to speak to a Major John Shepard USAF or a Captain Testarossa…Mithril."

"Major John Shepard is attached to this unit for protocol purposes," she noted. "But it is primarily a Mithril unit, not accounting for the civilians."

"Then which of you people is this Captain Testarosssa?" he asked.

"That would be me," Tessa said, shaking her head in frustration.

"You," Pieter said, cocking an eyebrow.

"Captain Teletha Testarossa, Commander Mithril Pacific Ocean Fleet, Captain of the Tuatha Da Danaan," she said. "Ainur of Decision, Category One."

"Some of that means nothing to me," Pieter said. "But sounds like stuff I wouldn't be revealing blithely in your position."

"I seriously doubt that you're in a position to use the information for anything," Tessa said. "As far as we can tell, home is a very, very far ways off."

"Really, that's interesting," Pieter said. "So what can you tell us about how you got here?"

"One moment please," Tessa said rising a hand.

A moment later there was a puff of smoke as a green haired teenager appeared out of the blue in the room beside Tessa as Pieter stood back and security personnel came into the room.

"What did you want me over here for?" Naiki asked, unconcerned with the guns pointed her way.

Pieter had to note that, despite a general aura of being easy going and friendly, that the green-haired girl had sharp teeth. There was actually something paradoxically cute about it. When the girl smiled wide, she generally presented the image of a friendly smile. Whereas the same smile on the Ree would have looked like their teeth were just as shark-sharp as this girl's.

"I needed a demonstration," the lavender haired girl explained, turning back to Pieter. "Naiki here is a Demon. Demoness of Torrent to be precise. All Demons have a teleportation ability that based off crossing through or bouncing off of dimensional boundaries. Their variation is very accurate over short distances and very swift."

Tessa pointed to herself.

"As for Ainur, we teleport by temporarily splicing two points in Euclidean space," she said. "And it is very easy to do at distance…apparently so easy that it is possible for a severely muddled last few seconds to send us entire alternate universes off course."

"Oh God," Pieter said, rolling his eyes. "Dimensional travelers. Again."

"This sort of thing is common?" Tessa asked, surprised.

"You have no idea," Pieter said.

"Err, Tessa, if that's everything, I could go back now," Naiki said. "I mean, I just sort of teleported away while Lusca was watching and you know she'll try to find me."

Tessa sighed and hung her head.

* * *

Musan watched as two pale haired identical girls watched her through the window glass on the observation room. They were joined by a third and she swallowed nervously as the rather obvious clone vibe came through loud and clear.

"Stay calm," Nimu said firmly to the youngest of the three there. "It's no different than dealing with…"

Nimu paused and looked toward the window where Sanya was rising to all the height her seemingly fourteen year old body could reach.

"I see you there staring in at the greatness of myself and my sisters," Sanya declared. "Go. Bask in the glory that is Sanya San, for I fought at the side of the great Nimu Ichi when we first took our steps towards freedom from Her."

"Oh, this one's got spunk!" one of the three red-haired girls said, pointing to Sanya.

"She is emulsified," another agreed.

"You mean exuberant," the third noted. "Heeeee~eeey! Let's go get Big Sister and Big Brother and come down and show them."

"Girls!" a voice said. "What are you doing there?"

The three red-eyed girls turned to look at the side.

"Weeeelll," the first noted. "There aren't any air ducts in there."

"Sooooo~oooo we're wrapping from here," a second said.

There was a long suffering sigh from outside the line of sight of the three DachiKira.

"Girls, go…help Lieutenant Aoba," she said after a moment's decision. "I'm sure he has something you can do."

"Okay!" the girls declared before practically vanishing into walls through a nearby duct.

Sanya plastered herself against the window and looked up, expression defiant.

"Oh, running away are you!" she shouted.

And before she could say anything else, the door opened on the sell and let in a woman who looked sort of like the three girls. Only she was older and had brown hair, and wasn't pale to the point of albinism.

"Good morning," Yui started to say. "We'd like to…"

"Ahh!" Musan shouted, raising up her hands, only to have Nimu put them back down.

"Calm. Down." Nimu insisted.

"Is there something the matter?" Yui asked.

"Nimu! Don't you see? She's like Mother!"

"Ah!" Sanya snapped. "We're not calling her that anymore."

"She's like the soul-eating, body-snatching bitch!"

Nimu and Sanya turned to stare at Musan wide-eyed.

"Uhhh…that's what Sergeant Weber calls her," the little girl said quietly. "When he's outside and not around Shichimu."

"Kurz and I are talking," Nimu noted.

Yui's mouth twitched slightly as she took in the scene and the elder turned to face her.

"Can we get started now?" she asked. "We have a few questions for you."

"My apologies," she said. "Musan is a Yon. Yons always worry."

"A Yon, 'four'," Yui said, then looking toward the girl who seemed fourteen. "And you were speaking of the 'San' batch. Clones?"

"Pfft," Sanya said. "As if a mere clone could share the greatness of Sanya San. No we were carefully crafted from Her matured eggs and fertilized with the choicest genetic material and raised to the glorious maturity you see before you."

"And then she'd Agent Smith us," Musan muttered.

"I…see," Yui said, distinctly uncomfortable. "I'm not certain what that means, but I can promise that I'm not here to hurt you. Now, can we get some names?"

"Nimu Ichi, currently referred to as the Ainur of Blades," she said. "Category two, Mithril, SRT, rank Corporal."

"And I am Sanya San! Ainur of Motion! The Arrow Which Cuts…" Yui raised her hand to forestall the girl.

"I believe the first ten declarations were recorded," Yui said, she turned to Musan smiling encouragingly.

"Uhh…Musan Yon," the girl said. "Ainur of Reflex. Umm…I live in Atlantis with Shichimu Ni and Sergeant Weber."

"So, can any of you tell us how you got here?" Yui asked.

Sanya pointed at Musan immediately.

"She did it!" the girl said.

"But I didn't want to be orange goo!" Musan protested. "Private Jenkins said we were going to be orange goo!"

"Private Jenkins also showed Director Satomi the manga he showed Naiki," Nimu said.

"Ohhh….right," the youngest Dachikira said.

"How did she get you here?" Yui asked.

"She dizzied the Captain and EVERYBODY," Sanya said. "When we were coordinate shifting."

"Dizzied?" Yui asked.

Musan pointed at her sister and the air warbled briefly before it smacked straight into Sanya. Almost immediately, the San started to twisting around as if trying to find which way was diagonal and then flopping to the ground.

"Uhhh, dizzied," Musan said.

"Hmm, since we got that down," Yui said, deciding to engage in a direction that somewhat bothered her and made her hope she was wrong. "What exactly is the situation with your mother?"

"There is no situation, she's dead," Nimu said.

"Shichimu killed Her at least eleven times before she had her mind wiped," Sanya said drunkenly.

"You're talking about a video game, right?" Yui asked. "Extra lives?"

"Extra lives, yes," Nimu said taking a deep breath. "Video game, no."

Then she started to explain the nature of their "Mother's" relationship with them. Mass production, undertraining…oh and the mind-rape, soul-enslaving spreading of her consciousness through their bodies.

The reference to "Agent Smithed us" started to become clear horribly clear.

* * *

"Is this the video feed on some of the prisoners?" Shinji asked as he came in the room to see Asuka and her mother staring at the screen with slack jaws and pale faces. "What's up?"

"We think she ate…absorbed ninety," one of the black-haired girls said. "The others that didn't survive her just died at least."

"Uhhh, what is she talking about?" Shinji asked.

"Quiet s-suddenly," Asuka said. "I'm…" she picked the word carefully "…relieved you're my mother and not….that…"

Shinji's eyes popped wide open and looked toward the video and listened to the explanation that had his mother looking decidedly uncomfortable.

"Oh God," Kyoko said faintly.

* * *

"Major John Shepard, Major USAF, Socrates Group, Military Commander of Atlantis," Shepard said simply as if he'd had a lot of practice at this sort of thing. "Oh yeah, Ainur of…what was it again…oh right, Improvisation."

"So you're a stand up comedian then?" Misato asked.

"If only," John said. "Stand up comedians don't have to fight millennia old Demons and Gods on a murder spree. Well, maybe in Nifelheim."

Misato frowned as she heard the "Ainur of…" and likened it to the declarations of various angels she'd heard over time.

"So what's the whole Ainur thing?" she asked pointedly.

"I don't pretend to get most of it," John said shrugging. "You might ask Captain Testarossa, she knows a bit more about that"

Misato frowned, he was lying somewhere in that, most likely about not getting it.

"Captain Testarossa," Misato said. "The twenty-year old with the black hair and the pockets filled with knives and lint."

"No, that would be Nimu Ichi," John said. "Captain Testarossa would be the one you probably think is a secretary. I know, because I made the same mistake."

There was a puff of smoke and suddenly a brown-haired girl with eight braids was standing there for a moment before puffing out into smoke again.

"What the hell?" Misato asked.

"Oh great," Shepard said. "She's wandering."

There was another puff of smoke and the girl appeared again.

"Hey Major Shepard!" the girl said. "I almost didn't notice you."

"Yeah," John said with a brief, quickly killed smile. "Lucky you saw me."

"Have you seen Naiki? She was sitting next to me and said she Tessa needed her for something," Lusca inquired as she rocked back on her heels.

"How did you get out of the cells?" Misato asked.

Lusca blinked, stared silently for a long two seconds and then giggled girlishly at Misato.

"You're funny!" she said energetically. "Anyway, I've got to go find Naiki! She's probably testing me again. So brave! So great! So cute! SQUEEEEE!"

And then she vanished into smoke again.

"Oh God, what was that?" Misato asked. "And why do I feel like my life was just in danger."

"Uhh, that was Lusca," John said, trying to keep calm. "She's just a little loopy after being cooped up for a…little bit too much time. She's never really hurt anyone…more than they deserved."

Misato stared at him and then pulled out her cell phone to start calling security.

* * *

Lieutenant Aoba crept around a corner and took a breath. Somewhere in the distance, echoing from the ductwork, he'd heard giggling and scratching. The surest sign of the Ree on his trail, which was why he'd ducked into this corner away from the ducts just for the moment.

And that left him asking why he could smell a whiff of sulfur.

"Hi!" a girlish voice declared happily behind him.

With a shriek, also girly, he leaped away from the sound of the voice and turned to see a wildly smiling school girl about fifteen or sixteen, rocking on her heels in the dead end he'd tried to hide in.

"Hello," Lusca said. "Do you know where my…." and she blushed and held up her hands under her chin and shifted about rapturously. "…my girlfriend…" she giggled and then dived into Aoba's face. "I love telling people that. Naiki Satomi! My girlfriend! Next we get to know each other and then ten, twenty years after we get to KNOW each other. I get to be kid again and grow up WITH her! SQUEEEEEE!"

"Heeee~eeeeeey!" a new, dreadfully familiar voice called out and one of the Ree dropped down into the hallway beside the now terrified Aoba. "Soooo~ooo you're one of the new people and you're talking romance?"

Aoba tried to sneak away only to find cardboard box in his path.

It wasn't moving, but he knew better than to trust cardboard boxes that mysteriously appeared from nowhere.

"Oh, yeah!" Lusca said. "You see, Naiki killed Poseidon and Poseidon had sealed me up, so when he died they found me and let me out! And now Naiki lets me hug her and she even kissed me! She's not very good but I'm helping her practice!"

She thought for a moment.

"Though she's suddenly started getting really weird when talking about my tentacles," the school girl said.

"Tentacles!" another red-eyed girl declared in excitement as she jumped to the front.

"Tentacles?" Rei asked with a wide smile.

"Tentacle?" several other voices asked as the hallway started to fill up.

"Ten…ta….cles?" Aoba asked.

"Yep!" Lusca said, twirling happily with arms outstretched as tentacles started to grow out of the walls floors and ceiling around her. "Tentacles!"

* * *

One of the technicians looked up as Aoba ran screaming down the hall at the highest speed he could manage. Then he looked over at his partner and shrugged.

"Better him than us," he said.

"Ain't that the…" the second technician stopped as a long, reptilian brown tentacle whipped down the hall after Aoba and then whipped back down the hall with the lieutenant screaming in terror.

"That's…..new…." the first technician said.

* * *

"So…Lilly," Tessa said, feeling silly for talking to a flying emoticon. "Can you find our home dimension?"

**8D**

"I…see," Tessa said glancing toward the other people in the room with her. "Quickly?"

**:(**

"If I gave you some landmark coordinates, would that help?" she asked. "Dimensional shard orbital path and drift variables?"

**8D**

"All right," the girl said. "Let's get to it."

_Any luck on Lusca?_ Tessa asked Naiki.

_They've called out security on her,_ the Demoness responded.

Tessa shook her head.

* * *

A vortex opened up in the bowels of the NERV complex, and the first of many Kromagg soldiers started to push their into the darkness of the tunnels, ready to conquer yet another of these vile human dimensions and place them under the control of the Kromagg empire.

The first thing the unit saw was a screaming human rushing past them as if they were of no consequence.

At about the same time, what seemed to be a twelve year old gold skipped into the corridor that intersected the one that the human had just run screaming down.

"Wait a minute," Ichi said, pointing to the wide variety of ugly human-like things in front of her. "What are you?"

One of the Kromaggs smirked and raised a weapon up to deal with the human that had just stumbled on their forward invasion force.

And that act signaled the clattering of air ducts all over the hallway and the appearance of a puff of smoke in front of Ichi as the bullet sprang of a brilliant red battle aura radiating out from Lusca.

"That's not funny," she said grimly.

"Hey!" Ichi said. "I can fight too!"

* * *

"And then…and then," that school girl's voice echoed down the hall toward Misato. "And then, maybe we'll have a cute little baby girl! Like Sharktopus but more pretty like Naiki and me!"

"Ooooo~ooo Sharktopus**_babies_**!" a Ree said, sending a chill down Misato's spine. "Wait, didn't you say Naiki was your girlfriend?"

"Yep! Yep! Yep!" Lusca said. "I mean she still calls me 'stalker' but she said I could say 'girlfriend' if I wanted! Girlfriend! SQUEEEEEE! So cute! So nice! So Naiki!"

"Soooo~oooo," a Ree said, Misato was reasonably certain it wasn't the same one. "How do you two girls have a baby?"

"Well that's a silly question," Lusca said. "Parthenogenesis of course. There are lots and lots and lots and lots of parthenogenesis spells. Because lots and lots and lots of Demon and God men died really a lot, and before there were humans we had to keep having children."

Misato's mind was frozen as she the concept of what was being discussed with the Ree.

"Soooo~oooo….you know how to make girl + girl = **_babies_**?"

"**_babies!_**" several voices echoed.

"How do two girls have **_babies_**?" a Ree asked.

"Ummm," Ichi's avatar voice said. "What are you talking about."

"Wait!" a voice delared, and Misato recognized Rei. "We can't talk about making **_babies_** with Ichi here."

"Huh? Why not?" Ichi asked.

"Big Sister said so," Rei said firmly. "And Mom said so too!"

Misato breathed a sigh of relief and mustered up the courage to turn the corner before they decided to go somewhere else to discuss how the Ree could self procreate.

"Hey, you guys," she said. "Good job, everybody's looking for this girl. And you."

The Ree and Ichi were sitting around a table, where they got it she had no idea, and were drinking Sodas….which had been gleaned from the destroyed vending machine in the hallway. One of the Ree, Misato had to guess it was Kiko, was clutching a cute, green octopus plushie.

"Do you know where Naiki is?" Lusca asked.

"Yeah," Misato said. "Yes I do."

* * *

It was much longer after that that the travelers who'd taken a wrong turn apparently through the universe left back again, with Lilly's help.

"Anybody want to ask why they insisted we do a total head count of all personnel when they saw Kiko's octopus plushie?" Gendo asked.

"Considering that nobody turned up missing," Yui said. "I'll chalk it up to just being cautious."

Ritsuko looked over at the very relieved Misato and smirked.

"Something you have on your mind, Colonel?" she asked.

"Yeah, I think Ichi managed to stop Reemaggedon," the purple-haired woman said.

"How's that?" Shinji asked.

"That Lusca Kraken girl was talking about something and Rei said not to talk about it around Ichi," Misato explained. "And then we sent them home."

"What were they talking about?" Yui asked.

"Parthenogenesis," Misato said.

The room was silent for several long seconds.

"Oh God," Asuka said. "They have the idea now!"

* * *

And within a newly made dimensional shard in the Earth cosmology around their Earth, an invasion force of Kromaggs, those that survived the Ree at least, were stuck in writhing masses of tentacles pulling and tearing and tossing at them, but not quiet letting them die. And the only locked gateway to this realm, nigh indestructible as long as the creator was alive, was a green octopus plushie.

* * *

HR

* * *

Okay, so...what would you like to see in another crossover? If I do one.

I've already considered Ryoko from Chi and Chakra wandering into Nobody Dies verse as well

and there are the various characters from my other fan fics, my novels and my short stories...


	2. Gilgamesh Abuse (DB-Novel x FateSN)

If some of the names seem unfamiliar, these are the characters from the novel version of Divine Blood. You can find some of them in the writings on my deviantart account.

*snip*

"So, you're Gilgamesh," Lilitu Geisthexe said doubtfully, lighting up a cigarette.

"That's correct," the blonde Heroic Spirit noted.

"Indeed"

"The Oldest King," Lilitu asked. "And supposedly the First of the Heroes?"

"Hey," the blonde Demoness said. "What's the oldest human hero we know about."

"That would be Wuindoh, a soldier of Mu who actually managed to kill three of the Enki during the days of the First Fall of Man," Moloch noted. "There were probably others before that."

"Right, that was, around 100,000 years ago, right?" Lilitu asked. "And Gilgamesh was in one of those post-apocalyptic city states after the Third Fall, right?"

"Fifth king of Urek in Sumer," Moloch noted.

"Fifth king, right, can't be the oldest king then," Lilitu noted. "For that matter I was born eight hundred years before Gilgamesh was. How about you?"

"I'm about ten thousand years older than Sumer," the man noted with a shrug.

"Why you little..." Gilgamesh fumed. "Who do you think you are?"

"Moloch Baal, second tier, Demon of the Sun," the male Demon noted calmly, drawing a sharp, surprised and cautious look from the Heroic Spirit.

"Lilitu Geisthexe, first tier, Demoness of Smoke," the woman noted with a broad smile.

"And what exactly does first tier supposed to mean to me?" Gilgamesh asked.

Lilitu smiled.

*sometime later*

"Something strange today," the newscaster was saying. "But for a period of about thirty seconds, it seemed as if there wasn't the faintest trace of smoke at all in the world."

"Well, there was one place," the second anchor noted. "Apparently a smoke cloud thick enough to literally by cut by a knife was found with an annoying blonde man encased inside."

*elsewhere*

A soot covered and blackened Gilgamesh felt his eye twitching as he considered what he'd do the next time he saw the two supposed Demons.

*snip*

"Behold you little upstart!" Gilgamesh shouted. "The Gates of Babylon!"

A swarm of swords, spears, axes and other weapons streamed down from on towards the small, black-haired woman dressed in black tactical gear. Suddenly, all the green marks on her face started to glow and each and every blade in the stream of weapons coming down on her stopped short and proceded to knock away every other attack heading her way before turning back towards Gilgamesh.

"HiFu Ichi," the woman said. "Ainur of _Blades_."

Gilgamesh's face burned with a bright, angry red.

"How dare you!"

*snip*

"Do my eyes deceive me or is this a fake copy of my sword Durandal?" Gilgamesh demanded.

"Ah, you recognize those design elements?" Susano'O asked. "Yeah, I studied Hephaestus's design on that. But THIS incorporates some dvergar designs from back before the Purges and I got an idea talking to one of the Ainur about metallurgy. This will be a great Rune."

"Bah it's just a copy, a derivation, a fake," the heroic spirit noted.

"Pfft, what, you think we make something cool and then decide, 'well that's it, never anything better than this?" the annoying Dark God asked.

"Please, you take the old stuff..."

"...old stuff?"

"...Check out the flaws..."

"...flaws!?"

"...and then you got something even better!"

"What?!"

"Now, if you really want a unique, one-of-a-kind awesome sword that no one's ever improved on," Susano'O noted. "There's always Excalibur."

Gilgamesh briefly wondered whether or not Heroic Spirits could have anuerysms.

*snip*

"Behold the Gates of Babylon in your last moments!" Gilgamesh shouted as he unleashed a vast, swarming rain of swords down upon the tall, sharp-toothed green-haired girl with red-facial marks below him.

"Ha! A violent..." the girl swept her arms causing the assault to twist to the side around her, "...tulmultuous..." the swords swept around her, almost orbiting the girl, "...overwhelming flow!"

"You little thief, return my treasures!"

"All right here they come, courtesy of Naiki Semezou, Demoness of Torrent!"

And the swords went back to Gilgamesh.

*snip*

This time it was just an nearly albino girl with red eyes, long black hair and blue facial marks. He was going to paste one of these upstarts sooner or later and maybe best to start with this sister of that green-haired menace. There was a black...light of some kind surrounding her, but he paid it no mind.

"Behold the Gate..."

The girl turned to face him, raised her hand and suddenly he felt his body disintegrate as he was cast backwards into the spirit world by one of the most talented death seers of the DisPater family, Eija Semezou Goddess of Blood.

*snip*

*notes*

First snippet:

Yes, Lilitu COULD do that, but not quick enough to survive fighting Gilgamesh. First tier or not, she's a spy not a warrior and her channelling is relatively weak. Plus it is way too attention getting for her liking. Granted, Moloch might be able to handle Gilgamesh.

Second snippet:

Hifu could screw with Gilgamesh due to her affinity for blades, but would likely lose. She doesn't have the experience or power really. Even post ascension.

Third snippet:  
Actually, Susano'O would be certain that his swords are the greatest ever, even if he wasn't currently an annoying twelve year old. Also, Excalibur is only one of a kind, because while Excalibur was a success, the other attempted twenty-nine blades on the same design theory failed miserably.

Nobody's thought it worth it to go back to the drawing board on the idea of sword-shaped familiars that have the mind bonding capability of companions and Excalibur it self is lost.

Still, the concept of copies being inherently watered down versions of the original would be a "what the hell are you talking about" thing for Divine Blood people.

Fourth snippet:  
actually...Naiki could pull that off...

Fifth snippet:  
A friend of mine tells me that Heroic Spirits fall within Eija's "Dead Enough" range when it comes to exorcising them, but I doubt it would be so easy as that. Plus, all she can do is dissipate him.


End file.
